Today I live, tomorrow I die
Posted by: michelle on: August 24, 2009
I don’t know what is the hardest thing in life; not having a family to love or not having a family to love you. Whatever the case, both scenarios are terrible and painful.
Since my separation from my family at the age 7, I have been looking for that family that I can connect with – heart, soul, and mind. After some 28 years, I’m still looking. I realized for the first time in my life that families are so important and having a strong relationship with them is what keeps love going and it is what helps people to face another day. When you know that a spouse has been waiting for you to home and all they want to do is shower you with affections. Or when a child is excited to come home and shows you their latest art project – “See Mom, what I drew, don’t you like it? I made it just for you.” Those kind of happy moments is what makes life worth living. It is painful to come home to an empty house and what is even worse is coming to a home where no one misses you at all because they are so preoccupied with their world.
As I flip through another day, month, and year I am reminded of what is important and what is needed to make a human heart whole and that is those precious moments that we spend time with our families – the hugs, the kisses, the compliments, and the smiles. I find my value at work and it doesn’t satisfy at home because I can’t fix anything, or nuture anyone. I look into the darkness and wonder what has become of me, the one who wants to love and be loved. I can spend the whole day with friends who wear a facade or masquerade as someone else. But there is no “family support” of dealing with the war and battles inside. Every one has their own struggles and at times it makes me wonder if they too are missing the family link. Are they hurting just as much as I am?
Spending hours at work trying to find value and worth is only good for eight hours. But driving home and coming to a place where you wonder will I ever be good enough, sexy enough, beautiful and smart to gain some attention? I look at my husband, and there are times, I can’t seem to get his head turned even with all the sexual temptations. And it is during those moments I am at a loss and wonder what is wrong with me? Burning brain cells on this crises at times is too much handle and disappointing. Do I always have to keep busy so that the feelings of wantingness never appears?
I can’t compete with the beautiful women on television. Nor can I compete with the previous family who has more to offer than I do. All I can do is offer what I have got, and that isn’t much I’m realizing. My education, my intelligence,my thinness, my money, my religious discipline doesn’t suffice. I am just as lost and confused as I was 28 years ago. Haven’t learned a thing about love in a family.
So as I close the book on self-pity and walk away from the pain I know all to well, I wonder if love truly is an allusion? Is it some kind of a mirage that I will never see clearly? Will life always be unfair? Will this pain inside of me ever go away, or will it be the death of me?
Playing God
Posted by: michelle on: July 15, 2009
I had a great plan and idea. I had graduated from high school with honors, went to college and graduated with three degrees. After that I travelled the around the world, paid off all my college bills, and had a great paying job. With all those accomplishments I was ready to settled down and start a family. I was so excited. I had a boyfriend and we had dated for six years but the relationship wasn’t going the direction that I thought it would. My boyfriend had an addiction and I didn’t want to deal with it anymore since he didn’t want to fix it. So I decided to go on the internet and start online dating. I would never suggest to anyone to do what I did because now that I look back, I would have changed that one little action if I could. I wouldn’t be writing this if all went according to plan.
But I did find a handsome young man that was couple of years older than me. He was divorced and a single father of two teenage kids. I didn’t think any of this was an issue so we started dating. On our first date, I brought up that I wanted children and he said that he had a vasectomy. No problem, right? Easy solution, go it a reversal. That is what we had planned on doing. Nine months later we were married.
We went to the doctor to get the vasectomy checked out, it had been 15 years since the operation was done. The doctor looked, checked it out, asked few questions, and said the chances of having a child is very slim almost to the point of zero. I was devastated. What had I done?
So I began talking to my doctor about my desire to have children. I was given instructions on what websites to go to for the sperm banks. I got to choose the sperm I wanted from the medical backgrounds I was receiving. I began to spend a lot of money on inseminations and found myself in debt as well as childless. I had nothing to show forth of the money I had spent on getting pregnant. There several months and years of heartaches, tears, bitterness, and anger. I was angry at God for not helping me get pregnant, I was angry at my husband for not being able to get me pregnant, I was angry at myself for marrying the wrong guy, and all in all, I was just angry.
On my last insemination appointment, I was sitting at the Doctor’s office and reading a magazine about in-vitro fertilization with Oprah. As I was reading about the women who came together from the same donor’s sperm, it was kind of weird. All the kids looked like each other even though they all had different moms. I thought this has got to be strange for the fathers involved since none of them are the biological father. But there in the doctor’s office I was starting to feel guilty, I felt like I was doing something wrong.
I than began to look into adoptions and fostering a child. I really didn’t want to take those outlets but I didn’t know what else to do. My heart was aching and I was in pain because I wanted to have children so badly and the insemination was not working.
I’m still in the process of becoming a foster parent, but in the mean time I am still looking for sperm donors. Recently, I have been in contact with several sperm donors and I have to be honest that I am completely stunned and taken back by how things have changed in our society.
In the sperm donor group that I’m in, I have found some interesting reading materials call advertisements. Lesbians are wanting children and they want the donor to be the “uncle” to their child. Another one reads, that she has no intentions of getting married but wants to be a single parent. Still another reads that she and her husband are white and they want a colored baby. Another couple requested, they wanted an asian baby even though they themselves are not asians. There was this odd lesbian couple that wanted the sperm to come from overseas – why?. One couple had written down exactly what the donor should look like and what his background should be before accepting the sperm.
I’m reading all this and thinking, “When did we become God?” Can we special order a baby like we were ordering a hamburger? Can we hold the disabilities, birth defects, bad vision, and cancer in the family? We have our list of 20 or so items of what we want and what we don’t want. I don’t want a child who has a family that has mental illness, nor a family that has addictions. But we do want our child to come from a over achiever family, a family where everyone is highly educated and well adversed in arts, music, sports, and life. We were going to pick a wonderful donor that had sperms which would produce and improve a better child than God could ever make in all of creation. A child with zero flaws with the best up bringing in a so called family. Our love for this infallible child is going to skyrocket to the heavens. I look at myself and wonder if I wasn’t healthy would my parents discard me at birth? If I had a speech impediment, would I be turned over to the state for adoption?
No one in their right mind wants an unhealthy baby. But what does it say about us when we get to pick all the best attributes of a donor we don’t even know, to get the baby that we think will be perfect. Perfect and flawless from cancer, mental illness, stupidity, addictions, false religions and so forth. We are all going to produce geniuses and Albert Einsteins. Isn’t that great?! I might such give birth to the next Beethoven. Oops my error, Einstein never graduated from high school and Beethoven became deaf in his later years.
I love my husband even with all his flaws and when I have a baby, I would like to see my husband in my child’s face, behaviors, and traits. That is what would make it OUR baby and my love wouldn’t change for the child if something was wrong with them. As I go through another donor’s qualifications, I think about my husband and his features and try to match up his features with the donor. It seems silly but I want a match close to the one I live with all the time. No, my husband is not perfect, neither am I so it would be kind of crazy to have a perfect child in a home where no one is perfect.
Also as I go through another donor, I think about God and realize that I’m not God and all children have flaws. I could never improve God even if I tried. No matter how smart, beautiful, prestige a person might be, no one is perfect not even Mr. Einstein.
Great foods for creating a healthy body
Posted by: michelle on: April 19, 2009
A friend sent this to me. It’s been said that God first separated the salt water from the fresh, made dry land, planted a garden, made animals and fish.. all before making a human. He made and provided what we’d need before we were born. These are best & more powerful when eaten raw. We’re such slow learners…
God left us a great clue as to what foods help what part of our body!
God’s Pharmacy! Amazing!
Grapes hang in a cluster that has the shape of the heart. Each grape looks like a blood cell and all of the research today shows grapes are also profound heart and blood vitalizing food.
A Walnut looks like a little brain, a left and right hemisphere, upper cerebrums and lower cerebellums. Even the wrinkles or folds on the nut are just like the neo-cortex. We now know walnuts help develop more than three (3) dozen neuron-transmitters for brain function.
Kidney Beans actually heal and help maintain kidney function and yes, they look exactly like the human kidneys.
Celery, Bok Choy, Rhubarb and many more look just like bones. These foods specifically target bone strength. Bones are 23% sodium and these foods are 23% sodium. If you don’t have enough sodium in your diet, the body pulls it from the bones, thus making them weak These foods replenish the skeletal needs of the body.
Avocadoes, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female – they look just like these organs. Today’s research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).
Olives assist the health and function of the ovaries 
Figs are full of seeds and hang in twos when they grow. Figs increase the mobility of male sperm and increase the numbers of Sperm as well to overcome male sterility. 
Oranges, Grapefruits , and other Citrus fruits look just like the mammary glands of the female and actually assist the health of the breasts and the movement of lymph in and out of the breasts.
A sliced Carrot looks like the human eye. The pupil, iris and radiating lines look just like the human eye… and YES, science now shows carrots greatly enhance blood flow to and function of the eyes.
America needs God
Posted by: michelle on: April 9, 2009
- In: History| Religion
- 2 Comments
By Carman
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, First Chief Justice John Jay. Names synonomous with the spirit of our country, founding fathers of the U.S.A.
Over 200 years ago they shook off the chains of tyrany from Great Britain, by divine call. Citing 27 biblical violations, they wrote the Declaration of Independence, with liberty, and justice, for all.
But something happened since Jefferson called the Bible the cornerstone for American liberty, then put it in our schools as a light. Or since ‘Give me liberty or give me death!’ Patrick Henry said, our country was founded on the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
We eliminated God from the equation of American life, thus eliminating the reason this Nation first began. From beyond the grave I hear the voices of our founding fathers plead, you need God in America, again.
Of the 55 men who formed the Constitution, 52 were active members of their church.
Founding fathers like Noah Webster, who wrote the first dictionary, could literally quote the Bible, chapter and verse. James Madison said, ‘We’ve staked our future on our ability to follow the 10 Commandments, with all our heart.’ These men believed you couldn’t even call yourself an American, if you subvert the Word of God.
In his farewell address, Washington said, ‘You can’t have national morality apart from Religious principal,’ and it’s true. Cause right now we have nearly a hundred and fifty thousand kids carrying guns to these warzones we call public schools.
In the 40s and 50s student problems were chewing gum and talking, in the 90s, rape and murder are the trend. The only way this nation can even hope to last this decade, is put God in America, again!
Abe Lincoln said, ‘The philosophy of the schoolroom in one generation, will be the philosophy of government in the next.’ So when you eliminate the Word of God from the classroom and politics, you eliminate the nation that Word protects.
America is now number one in teen pregnancy and violent crime, number one in illiteracy, drug use, and divorce.
Everyday a new holocaust of 5,000 unborn die, while pornography floods our streets like open sewers. America’s dead and dying hand is on the threshold of the Church, while the spirit of Sodom and Gomorrah vex us all.
When it gets to the point when people would rather come out of the closet than clean it, it’s the sign the Judgement of God is gonna fall.
If there’s ever been a time to rise up Church it’s now, and as the blood-bought saints of the living God proclaim. That it’s time to sound the alarm from the Church House, to the White House and say, ‘We want God, in America, again!’ ‘
I believe it’s time America to stand up and proclaim, that ‘One Nation Under God’ is our demand! And send this evil lifestyle back to Satan where it came from, and let the Word of God revive our dying land!
For Jesus Christ is coming back again in all His glory, and every eye shall see Him on that day. That’s why a new annointing of God’s power’s comin on us, to boldly tell the World ‘You must be saved!’
Because astrology won’t save you, your horoscope won’t save you, the Bible says these things are all false. If you’re born again you don’t need to look to the stars for your answers, cause you can look to the very One who made those stars. History tells us time and time again, to live like there’s no God makes you a fool.
If you wanna see kids live right, stop handing out condoms, and start handing out the Word of God in schools!
23 minutes in Hell
Posted by: michelle on: April 6, 2009
By Bill Wiese -
I asked my wife to come up for a minute so that she could just share with you what happened when she found me in the living room, because I don’t remember that part. So I want her to say a few words. Thank you.
(Bill’s wife Annette speaking)
It was about 3:23 in the morning when I woke up. I just remember that because I looked at our digital clock, and I noticed Bill was not next to me, and I heard screaming coming from our living room. I proceeded to go down the hallway. I found my husband in a way I’d never seen him before. If anyone gets to know Bill, he’s very conservative by nature, very calm, and a professional man. He’s just not the type to get excited or get real emotional over anything, unless it’s God at times. But, anyway, I saw him there traumatized, literally traumatized holding his skull, holding his head between his hands and crying out and screaming. He was in a fetal position on our living room floor. I didn’t know what to do. I thought he was having a heart attack. I just started to pray and he cried out and said, “Pray that the Lord would take this out of my mind! The Lord took me to Hell. I feel like my body is dying, I can’t handle this.” So I proceeded to pray over him, and in about ten to twenty minutes he began to calm down. He was literally in a traumatized state, like someone who went to Vietnam and has a reoccurrence, or a horrible car accident where they’re reliving it. It was not just someone who had a bad dream and woke up. So I just wanted to testify to that.
(Bill Wiese speaking)
And we went home like any other normal night and went to bed. About 3:00 o’clock in the morning I was taken. I did not know how I got there until I returned. Then the Lord explained. But I was just dropped into a prison cell, just like a regular prison cell, like you imagine, with rough huge stone walls and bars on the door. I didn’t know where I was yet. All I knew was that it was extremely hot, terribly hot. It was so hot, I couldn’t believe, that I was alive. I felt like I should have disintegrated with this heat, but I was still alive. It was light in the room for a little while, and I believe the Lord’s presence was there for me to see the scenery better, but then it got dark after about a minute. I found myself in the cell, and these 4 creatures were in the cell with me. I didn’t know they were demons at the time, because I went there as an unsaved person. God took it out of my mind that I was a Christian. I didn’t understand why, but He explained it to me on the way back. These creatures, I didn’t realize that they were demons, but they were enormous. They were about 12 or 13 feet tall, it was all scaly. This one had scales all over its body, giant jaws with huge teeth, and claws sticking out, along with sunken-in eyes. They were just enormous. And the other one didn’t looked like this at all, but it had razor sharp fins all over with one long arm and out of proportion feet. Everything was deformed and twisted and out of proportion, out of symmetry, no symmetry, one arm longer and one shorter and just odd looking creatures, horrible, horrible looking things. Why can I hardly move, what is wrong with me?” I was just aware of no strength, and I was helplessly lying there.
And they were blaspheming God. The whole time they were cursing God. I wondered, “Why are they cursing God? Why are they hating God so much?” And then they turned their attention to me, and I felt the same hatred they had for God, they had for me also, and again I thought:“Why do they hate me? I haven’t done anything to them.”
But they hated me with a hatred that I have never experienced on earth; way beyond what man has the ability to hate with. They absolutely hated me, and I knew they were assigned to torture me. There were things that I am going to say, that I don’t know how I knew. In Hell your senses are keener, you are just aware of more than our physical bodies are. I was aware of distances, I was aware of time, and so forth, much more than you are here. I knew these things were assigned to me, to torture me forever in this place. I was lying on the floor in this cell and I had absolutely no strength in my body. I wondered, ”
One Demon just grabbed me and picked me up, and threw me into the wall like a glass. He just picked me up like a glass. That was how light I was, or how strong he was. And threw me into the wall, and every bone in my body just broke. And I felt pain! I just began to lie on the floor there, crying out for mercy, but these creatures don’t have any mercy at all, absolutely no mercy.
The one picked me up, and the other one, with his razorsharp claws; he just shredded my flesh right off. He just tore it off, and had absolutely no care what so ever for this body that God so wonderfully made. It had a hatred that was so intense against me.
The Demons don’t have any mercy. The Demons run your life in Hell.The smell of these demons and the smell in Hell were so atrocious; I can’t even describe it to you. There was a smell of burning flesh, of sulfur. The smell of these demons was like an open sewer, putrid, rotten meat, bad eggs, sour milk and everything you can imagine. Take it in, times 1000, and put it up to your nose. And you just breathe it in. It was so toxic, that it would kill you, if you were here in this body, you would die. And I wondered, “Why am I living through this smell, it is so horrendous?”
But again you don’t die, you have to endure it. The profanities, that they were cursing at God is mentioned in Ezekiel 22-26. Hell is just a cruel, miserable, horrible place that you have to endure. You have to endure all these things.
God has made mankind the highest form of creation, and these demons are the lowest form of creation.
As men we work hard to get ahead in life, we better ourselves, we study. But in Hell, your life is run by demons. These creatures have a zero IQ, absolute ignorant creatures. All they know is hatred for God,hatred for you and torture. And they run your life, and you can’t do anything about it.
The fear, I got a tell you, was so powerful. It grips you. If you have ever seen some scary movie, where the fear jumps up in your throat, if you can take that and multiply it by at least a thousand, and hold it there, that is how you stay all the time! And I know something about fear. When I was young, I use to surf. When I was really young we were in Coco Florida surfing and there was a school (group) of sharks coming around me. And a 9 foot Tiger shark came up and bit my board right in a half. And it grabbed me by the leg and pulled me down. So my leg was in the mouth of this giant shark. I wasn’t a Christian then; it was before I was even saved. And all the sudden, it let me go. I know God opened that shark’s mouth. But for a few moments, the fear that comes into you is absolute overwhelming. If anybody ever saw JAWS, that fear was NOTHING compared to actually going through it. The fear was terrifying. The guy next to me was just a couple of feet away, and a shark ripped his leg right off! And they dragged him up on the beach, with blood everywhere. He was screaming and had no leg. So I understand fear, but that fear was nothing, absolute nothing compared to the fear I felt in Hell, no comparison at all. I think the fear I felt from the shark attack was one of the greatest fears we could experience on earth.So these are some of the things we have to endure in Hell.
I was lying in the cell and it went dark, pitch, pitch black. I mean a darkness I have never ever felt before. And I have been down in caves, way down in iron mines in Arizona. There was a blackness that you couldn’t even imagine. I managed to crawl out, somehow I was able to crawl and they let me apparently. I remembered where the door was so I crawled towards it and I felt my way, and I got outside the cell. I looked one direction, all black, and all I heard was screams, billions of people screaming in this place. I knew there were billions, and it was so loud. If you have ever heard someone scream before, it is so annoying. Well if you hear billions of people screaming, you can’t imagine how it affects your mind. You just can’t stand it. You hold your ears because it is so loud and penetrating. You can’t get away from the screams. And the fear that overcomes you is unbelievable. Everything is dominated by fear. There is no presence of God in this place, so you have to endure the fear and the torment and the blackness. You can’t see anything. You can’t even see what is coming up against you.
I was now outside the cell and I looked this direction and as I looked this way I could see there was flames of fire, about 10 miles away from me. I knew it was 10 miles. And a pit of fire, about 3 miles across, had flames that lit up the skyline enough to see the landscape of Hell just a little bit. The darkness was so heavy; it just eats up any light. But there was enough to just see some of the skyline. It was all brown and desolate! I mean absolutely not one green leaf, not anything of life of any kind, just stone, dirt and black sky, and smog in the skylight. The flames were really high, so I could see it. There is no life whatsoever in Hell. It is so strange to be in a world where there is no life. Here we enjoy trees and fresh air, but there it is absolutely all dead.
The heat was so intense, it is so hot. All these things should kill you, but you don’t die! You had to keep enduring all these things. I wanted peace of mind, to get away from the screams and to get out of there. It’s like when you want to go home at night, when you had a rough day, you just want peace of mind. But there you endured all the screaming and all the torment. And you never ever get away from it, ever. You are also naked in Hell. It is just another thing to have to endure. Shame! That means God can see into Hell, so it is observable to Him. But also you are naked in Hell, just another thing you have to go through.
There is no water in Hell, at all, no water. There’s no humidity in the air and no water of any kind. It is so dry; you are desperate for a drop of water, just one.
It’s hard to imaging how dry your mouth is. If you can imagine doing a marathon run through Death Valley and having cotton in your mouth and staying there for days, and it just continues like that, just dry, absolute, desperate for a drop of water.
Then one of the demons grabbed me, and drug me back into the cell and began all these torments again, which I really hate to talk about, because I don’t like to have to re-live the torment. They began to crush my skull. One demon grabbed me and tried to crush my head. I was screaming and begging for mercy, but no mercy! About this time they each grabbed an arm and a leg and were about to tear off my legs and my arms. I thought, “I can’t endure this, I can’t endure this!”And all of a sudden, something grabbed me and pulled me out of this cell. I know it was the Lord, but then I didn’t know that. I was there as an unsaved person, so I didn’t know these things. I just went there as if I had never accepted the Lord. I was placed over next to the fire that I had seen. I was standing along side that pit. I was beneath a cavern, like a giant cave, with a tunnel going up.
Along side the fire I could see through the flames, just enough to see bodies, people in the fire screaming, screaming for mercy, burning in this place! And I knew I didn’t want to go in there. The pain I’d endured already was bad enough, but the heat from that flame I knew was worse. These people were begging to get out.
There were these big creatures lined all around the edge of this Pit, and as the people crawled up trying to get out, they would be shoved back in to the fire and not allowed out. I thought, “ Oh, this place is so horrible, so horrible and horrendous.“
All this is going on at the same time. You’re thirsty, you’re hungry, and you’re exhausted. You don’t get to sleep in Hell either. You need sleep just as you do now. Your body needs sleep.
I knew that Hell’s location is in the center of the earth. That’s were it’s at, in the center of the earth. I understood that I was about 3700 miles deep in the earth. We know that the earth’s diameter is 8000 miles. Half way would be about 4000. I was about 3700 miles down.
I was along side this pit of fire and I saw all these demons all lined up along the walls, all sizes and shapes of every kind, deformed, ugly creatures, you can imagine. They were twisted, deformed creatures, huge ones, small ones. There were giant spiders, huge spiders this big.
There are all kinds of abominable creatures everywhere and they seemed to be chained to the walls. I wondered “Why are these things chained to the walls” . I didn’t understand that,
And so maybe that’s what I saw, I don’t know, but that is what it appeared to be. I was glad because I didn’t want them to get to me. They all hated me with a passion! That was another thing I didn’t understand, they weren’t just creatures, and they had hatred towards mankind. So I was glad they were chained to the walls.
But we’ve never experienced a totally hopeless situation.
This bright light lit up the place. I only saw His outline, the outline of a man. I couldn’t see his face, it was so bright. I just looked into this light and saw His outline. And I just fell on my knees and collapsed. I couldn’t do anything but worship Him. I was so grateful. One second ago I was lost forever, and now all of the sudden I’m out of this place, because I had already known Jesus. Those people can’t get out, but I could because I was already saved. I knew and understood that there was no way out of this place, only by Jesus. He is the only way to keep from going to this place.
When I got my composure, at least enough to start forming thoughts, I thought about saying to the Lord, I don’t even think I asked Him out loud, I just thought it and He answered me. I said, “Lord why did You send me to this place? Why did you send me here?” He said to me “Because people do not believe that this place exists.“ He said “Even some of my own people do not believe this place is real.“ I was shocked at that statement. I thought every Christian has got to believe in Hell. But not everyone believes in a literal burning Hell. I said Lord “why did you pick me?” But He didn’t answer me on that question.
I have no idea why He picked me to go there. I’m the least likely to go to this place. My wife and I hate evil movies. We hate anything bad. I don’t even like the summer time, much less heat. It’s filthy. There’s no order. It’s all chaos and disorder and disgusting. And I love everything orderly and excellent. He didn’t answer me on that question. He said to me, “Go tell them that I hate this place, that it’s not my desire for one of my creation to go to this place, not one! I never made this for man. This was made for the devil and his angels. You have to go and tell them! I’ve given you a mouth, you go and tell them.“
I thought to myself, “but Lord, they’re not going to believe me. They’re going to think I’m crazy or had a bad dream.” I mean wouldn’t you think that? As I thought this the Lord answered me and He said, “It’s not your job to convince them. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job! You just go and tell them!“ And it was just inside, “Yes Sir!” Absolutely, I have to go and tell them.” You can’t worry and fear what man is going to think of you, you just have to go and do it and let God do the rest. Amen? And I said, “Lord, why did they hate me so much?” “Why did these creatures hate me?” He said, “Because you’re made in my image, and they hate me.“ You know the devil can’t do anything against God. He can’t hurt God, per say, but he can hurt His creation. That’s why the devil hates mankind, and deceives him into taking him into Hell. And he inflicts diseases upon him, anything he can do to hurt God’s creation.
And then God flooded me with His thoughts. He let me touch a piece of His heart, of how much He loves mankind. Unbelievable, I couldn’t even take it. It was so overbearing. The love He has for man, you can’t take it in this body. You know how much we love our wives and our children? Well the love we have can’t even be compared to the love God has for us. His love is infinitely greater than our love and our ability to love. It’s just the same as it says in Eph 3:19, ?..to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge…?/font> It goes so far past knowledge, you can’t even grasp it. I couldn’t believe how much He loved mankind, that He would die for just one person to not go to this place. And it hurts Him so much to see one of His creation going to this place. It pains the Lord, He weeps to see one person going. And I felt so bad for the Lord.
I felt His heart, He let me just touch a piece of His heart. He felt such sadness for His creation going there. And I thought “I’ve got to go out and witness and take every last breath I have and go tell the world about Jesus, How good He is.” I mean, we have the gospel. It’s good news. It’s good news, and the world doesn’t know. They have to be told! You know, we have to share this knowledge. People just have a lack of knowledge in this area. God wants us to share with them how good He is, and how He hates this place.
He said to me also, “Tell them I am coming very, very soon.“ And He said it again, “Tell them I’m coming very, very soon.“ Now I think, why didn’t I say to him, “What do you mean Lord? What’s ’soon’ to you?” That’s how we think. But I didn’t ask. You just don’t think to ask those things then. You just want to worship Him so much. The peace of God that comes over you being next to Him is unexplainable. I’ve been in anointed services, but there is no comparison to the love and the peace of God you feel being next to Him.
And then I looked up and I saw those demons on the wall, that were so ferocious, they looked like ants on the wall! They just looked like ants! They were still big, but with the power of God next to you, all of God’s creative power, they looked like ants on the wall. I couldn’t get over it. I thought, “Lord they’re just ants!” And He said, “You just have to bind them and cast them out in my name.“ I thought “boy, the power He’s given the church.” These things that were so ferocious, we were no match for a devil without Jesus, none. They’re ferocious, but with Him, they are nothing! A boldness rose up in me right then, when I saw these creatures I felt like saying, “you creatures were the ones torturing me, wanting to tear me apart? Come on! Come on now!” Maybe a little bit of my flesh rose up or something, you know, I thought,?i>Jesus get ‘em.”
As we left, we went up above the earth’s surface. We went above, because we were still in a tunnel. Soon I couldn’t see it any more, but it was like a whirlwind, a giant whirlwind we were in. We kept going up. We had to go up, to get out of it apparently. When we got to the top of it, I looked down at the earth and it was about this high. The curve of the earth was like that. It’s awesome to look back at the earth! I know God allowed that for me. He could have left that tunnel any which way He wanted. He knew in my heart, as a kid I always wanted to see what the earth looked like from space. Maybe I watched too much Star Trek or something, you know? I just thought it would be really neat to see the earth, and to see it hung on nothing.
The worse thing in Hell, the worse thing, worse than all the torments, was I understood that, first of all, that there was life going on up here on the earth. And that people up here, most people, had no idea that this world even existed down here! They don’t even know this is a real world down here and there’s billions of people suffering and begging for one chance, if they had an opportunity to get out. But they never get a chance to get out, and being mad at themselves for not taking the opportunity to have received Jesus, that they are stuck there forever. This is the worse thing about Hell, that there was absolutely no hope of ever getting out. I understood that. I grasped eternity. I could understand eternity. Here on earth, we can’t quite, can’t get a hold of it.
Purchase his complete testimony “23 Minutes in Hell” at Amazon.com
Could Heaven or Hell be real? – Story 3
Posted by: michelle on: March 31, 2009
- In: Religion
- 2 Comments
Pastor Ekechukwu was from a city called Onitsha (Nigeria), where he was the pastor of Power Chapel Evangelical Church.
On Thursday, December 29th, 2001, Pastor Daniel Ekechukwu and his wife, Nneka, had a misunderstanding that degenerated into an argument that resulted in her slapping him. He was greatly offended by this incident, to the point of not acknowledging her greeting the next morning, which was, according to what pastor Daniel said to me, an attempt on her part to begin to reconcile. Pastor Daniel admitted that throughout the day of November 30th, he angrily thought about how he would put his wife in her place when he returned home. He would not, however, make it home that Friday.
As he was driving home that evening, the brakes on his 20-year old Mercedes 230E failed as he was heading down a steep hill, and his car crashed into a concrete pillar that was built to prevent cars from going over a steep embankment. He was not wearing a seat belt (few Nigerians do), and his chest hit very forcibly against the steering wheel and its knob, apparently doing damage to his internal organs, as he was soon vomiting up blood and having difficulty breathing (not to mention that he soon lost all signs of life).
Daniel was not able to remove himself from his car, but frantic on-lookers pulled him out. One bystander volunteered her car while another bystander offered to drive him to St. Charles Borromeo Hospital, not far away on the outskirts of Onitsha.
Within minutes of their arrival at the hospital, a doctor began administering emergency treatment, but Daniel knew his body was not responding to it. He began praying the prayer of a man who knows he is going to die, asking God to forgive him of all his sins so that he would be ready to stand before the Lord. He also sent for his wife, Nneka, with whom he had refused to speak when he left his home earlier that day. She fainted upon hearing the news of her husband’s accident and condition, but when revived was taken by a Christian neighbor to the hospital. Daniel’s friend, Ede Samuel (whom I interviewed at length) was with her and essentially witnessed everything that transpired over the next three days.
Upon seeing Daniel in critical condition when she arrived at St. Charles Borromeo hospital, Daniel’s wife burst into tears, begging her husband not to die and leave her. The doctor admitted that there was nothing he could do to save Daniel’s life (keep in mind this was a Third World hospital), and so Daniel requested that he be transferred by ambulance to Umezuruike Hospital at Owerri, where his family doctor practiced. The Umezuruike hospital was 80 km away. His wife arranged for the ambulance, and it was on the way to Umezuruike Hospital that Daniel died.
Daniel was lying in the back of the ambulance while his wife was in the front passenger seat. He began to feel that he was not going to survive, and so he called for his wife to come to him. He began to say goodbye, give her instructions about certain church and personal documents, and admonished her to take care of their son and his church. She began sobbing greatly and amidst her tears strongly rebuked him for such negative statements. He was a man of God and should have faith, and not be speaking of dying!
As she was speaking, Daniel saw two large angels who were completely white, including the pupils of their eyes. The angels were so large that Daniel later wondered how they fit inside the ambulance. One was as big as the ambulance. Daniel tried to speak to the angels, but one held his finger to his lips, motioning for his silence. The angels lifted him on either side, and Daniel realized that there were now two of himself. The angels were holding him under each arm of his spirit man (which was perfectly whole), while his broken body was lying below. Once they left the ambulance, Daniel became oblivious to the natural world.
When the ambulance arrived at Umezurike Hospital with Daniel’s body, it was now late at night (Friday, November 30th), and Daniel’s family doctor was not there. A member of the medical staff, however, examined his body and sadly told Nneka that her husband was dead and there was nothing that could be done.
So they drove to the Federal Medical Center in Owerri, but found no doctor there either. Finally they drove to the Eunice Clinic, and there Daniel was confirmed to be dead by Doctor Josse Annebunwa. There was no breathing, no heartbeat or pulse, and Daniel’s pupils were fixed. The doctor said that there was nothing he could do. A death certificate was issued at 11:30 P.M., November 30, 2001.
They then drove Daniel’s corpse to his father’s house in a nearby village, and naturally Daniel’s father and other family members were heartbroken at the sight of Daniel’s dead body, weeping profusely. Daniel’s father instructed them to take his body to Ikeduru General Hospital Mortuary, not far away. They arrived there around 1:00 A.M. on Saturday morning. The resident mortician, Mr. Barlington Manu, received the corpse. The primitive Nigerian mortuary where Daniel’s body was taken had no cold storage facilities, and so the mortician injected embalming chemicals between Daniel ’s fingers and into his feet. The full embalming would be administered in the morning. With the help of a staff member he laid Daniel’s body on a mortuary slab between two other corpses.
Around 2:00 A.M. Saturday morning, the mortician, who lived next to the mortuary, was disturbed by songs of worship coming from inside his mortuary, which stopped as soon as approached the mortuary doorway. Upon searching for the music’s source in his mortuary, he noticed light emanating from the face of Daniel’s corpse. This completely unnerved him.
Later on Saturday, he attempted to cut Daniel’s inner thigh in order to insert an injection tube, and met with the same resistance as before. That night the sounds of worship again emanated from the mortuary.(Don’t assume that Daniel’s body would have been buried the day after his death. Nigerians often bury their dead weeks after death has taken place.)
All of this so disturbed the mortician that he located Daniel’s father to inform him of what had been happening and to request that he remove Daniel’s corpse from his mortuary. Just before the mortician’s arrival, Daniel’s wife experienced a dream in which she saw the face of her husband, and he was asking her why they had left him in the mortuary. He stated that he was not dead and that she should take him to Onitsha where German evangelist Reinhard Bonnke was preaching. She determined to do so, even though her family thought she was out of her mind. It was now Saturday evening, and Daniel had been dead for 24 hours. The family finally yielded, but purchased a casket and brought funeral clothing for the mortician to dress Daniel. The mortician, however, had to cut the clothing in order to clothe Daniel because his body was as stiff as a board. An ambulance was hired on Sunday morning, December 2nd, and the casket that contained Daniel’s body was taken to Grace of God Mission (a large church) in Onitsha, about 1½ hours away, where evangelist Reinhard Bonnke was preaching at an afternoon church dedication service. They arrived at the church around 1:00 P.M.
The church grounds were being protected by swarms of federal and state security guards for the sake of Reinhard Bonnke, who has received many death threats, and who is hated by Muslims all over Africa. (Not to mention the fact that the World Trade Center had been destroyed by Muslim hijackers just weeks before.) For this reason, the security guards would not allow the casket to be brought onto church grounds, thinking it might actually contain explosives. Daniel’s wife loudly pleaded with them, and opened the casket to show them her dead husband, which resulted in their mocking and even flogging her because of her persistence. She caused such a disturbance that the senior pastor was notified, and his son instructed that Daniel’s wife be permitted to bring his body to the church without the casket, and that it be placed in the basement. Daniel’s body was laid there on two tables pushed together in a Sunday School room.
As amazing as the story of his death and resurrection is, what pastor Daniel experienced after his death is even more amazing. To him, what he experienced between his death and resurrection could have taken only fifteen minutes, even though he was physically dead for almost two days. After he was lifted from his body by the two angels in the ambulance, he soon found himself momentarily alone, but soon joined by a different angel. Daniel stated that if he was confused about something that he saw or experienced, or if he had a question in his mind, this angel immediately gave him the answer. This angel first told him that they were going to Paradise. There was no time expended in getting anywhere the angel took him. As soon as the angel said they were going to Paradise, they were there.
Daniel stood with the angel and watched a multitude of worshipping people who were dressed in sparkling white garments. He immediately thought they were angels, but the escorting angel told him that they were human beings who, “while they lived on earth, served God and had their faith focused on Christ Jesus and lived righteously.” These people were all ageless and raceless. That is, none appeared to be young or middle-aged or elderly, and none had any racial distinctives in their appearance. All were focused on a very bright light, and all worshipped in perfect unison. They would all lift their hands at once and bow at once “as if a sort of electronic device was activating them.” (This same phenomena was described to my wife by an elderly Haitian pastor who died for a short time, but was sent back to earth to finish his work.)
Daniel did notice one man who looked elderly among the multitude, and the thought occurred to him that perhaps that man was God, but the escorting angel immediately corrected him. The man was father Abraham.
Daniel longed to join the worshippers, but the angel told him that there were other things Daniel needed to see. He told Daniel they would next go to see Jesus’ promise to His followers, the mansion He had prepared for those whom “He would find righteous on the last day.” Immediately they were there.
Daniel said there is no earthly way to describe what he saw. The mansion had no apparent end to its height or width. It continually moved, and each room also revolved in some manner. It was made of something that was transparent like glass, and the floors appear to be made of light. Daniel didn’t see anybody in the great mansion, but heard beautiful singing. Wondering where the music was coming from, the angel immediately pointed him to the many flowers around the mansion. When Daniel looked at them more closely, they were moving and swaying and singing praise to God!
The angel told Daniel, “The mansion is ready but the saints of God are not. Jesus is being delayed because Christians in the church are not ready yet.” (This is entirely scriptural; see 2 Peter 3:12.)
Next the angel took Daniel to hell, and they stood at the gate. When the angel lifted his hand and let it fall again, the gate opened, and Daniel could immediately hear the awful sounds of people screaming and weeping, but everything in hell was in total blackness. Then a bright light shone from the angel, and Daniel could see many groups of people in anguish. He told me of three specific groups that went through endless cycles of torment, forever reaping in hell what they had sown on earth. One group consisted of people who would eat their own flesh and then vomit it out onto the ground, at which time the vomit would fly back onto their bodies and turn back into flesh that they would eat again. The angel told Daniel these people were those who had eaten human flesh as an occult practice. Another group, who had stolen land from others while on earth, endlessly dug rock-hard ground with their bare hands. Another group, former fornicators and adulterers, endlessly mutilated their sexual organs, which after being destroyed, would be regenerated only to be mutilated again.
Pastor Daniel also saw the former military dictator of Nigeria. He saw a Christian who had dabbled in occult practices and fallen away from the Lord, and a pastor who had embezzled money from his own church and also lied about it. The former pastor pleaded that he would return the money if Daniel could help him escape hell. Although there were different kinds of tortures, all of the people in hell writhed in agony under an unseen force that would wrench them repeatedly. All of them were shouting, wailing and gnashing their teeth. Pastor Daniel told me that if every Christian could see what he saw, there would be no need to preach the gospel, as every Christian would become the gospel.
The most surprising thing is what happened next. The escorting angel told pastor Daniel, “If your record is to be called here, you will in no doubt be thrown into hell.” Pastor Daniel immediately defended himself saying, “I am a man of God! I serve Him with all my heart!” But a Bible immediately appeared in the angel’s hand, and it was opened to Matthew 5 where Jesus warned that if one calls his brother a fool he is guilty enough to go into the hell of fire (see Matt. 5:21-22). Pastor Daniel knew he was guilty for theangry words spoken to his wife. The angel also reminded him that Jesus promised that God will not forgive our sins if we do not forgive others (see Matt. 6:14-15) because we will reap what we have sown. Only those who are merciful will obtain mercy (Matt 5:7). The angel told Daniel that the prayers he prayed as he was dying in the hospital were of no effect, because he refused to forgive his wife even when she attempted to reconcile on the morning of his fatal accident.
Pastor Daniel wept at this revelation, but the angel told him not to cry, because God was going to send him back to the earth to grant the rich man’s request (see Luke 16:27-30). A man would come back from the dead and warn people of hell. The angel said that Daniel’s resurrection would serve as a sign and be the last warning for this generation.
Finally, pastor Daniel was led to the top of a mountain, at which there was a large hole full of darkness. There the escorting angel handed Daniel to a man standing there whom he didn’t recognize at first, but soon realized it was German evangelist Reinhard Bonnke. The angel told Daniel that man would help him spread the gospel of salvation.
Both Daniel and Rev. Bonnke fell into the hole, and that is when pastor Daniel jumped up from the table where he lay at the Grace of God mission. He was back in his body after having been dead for at least 42 hours, almost two full days.
Could Hell be real? – Story 2
Posted by: michelle on: March 28, 2009
- In: Religion
- 3 Comments
Near Death Experience of B. W. Melvin
Author of, A Land Unknown: Hell’s Dominion, published by Xulonpress
July 1980, Tucson Arizona: I contracted Cholera by drinking contaminated water someone had left in a thermos while I was working at a local construction site. The progression on this disease left me in a severe dehydrated state which became terminal.
I was at home and lying in bed when it happened. My breathing was becoming a series of protracted wheezing gasps. Looking around the room, I was amazed that I could see so pristine clear without my glasses. The alarm clock ticked. It was ten minutes till noon. Everything became surreal.
With a sudden swoosh, I floated above my body. Hovering there, I fully realized I had died. At that time, I was not a Christian and fell into a naturalistic agnostic atheistic belief system. Despite growing up in a loving Southern Baptist family, I did not believe in the Christian concept of God. I knew very little about Jesus, the afterlife, and God. All this was about to radically change.
I floated above my body and felt no more pain from the effects of cholera. While gazing at the room, I turned and faced the ceiling. Suddenly, I felt myself drift through the ceiling’s textured drywall and was engulfed in an extremely peaceful blackness. In this pleasant darkness I heard the most astounding humming/singing sounds. I was floating in this pitch blackness listing to the resonances while slowly moving toward a speck of light that was slowly growing bigger and bigger as I neared.
Soon this dazzling brilliant light began dispelling this pleasant darkness in hues of colors never before seen. The light was being emitted by an individual standing upon what appeared to me to be a huge rock suspended in space. This person wore beautiful whitish robe like garments and seemed to be sitting on a chair carved out from the rock. I landed below this person. He stood up and walked down several steps to where I had landed. I wept and fell like a heavy sack of wheat. Someone touched my shoulder. I stood up.
This marvelous person showed me my life course, which revealed I was without excuse. It was then I knew I was being judged and deserved my fate. You could do nothing but stand directly before him, whose robe’s drooping hood concealed his face, and receive your sentence.
As I looked at him, I noticed that he bore terrible trauma to his hands and feet. Around the wrist were gnashes deeply cut therein. The bones clearly showing that the very joints had been ripped apart by bearing a great weight. He just stood there. I felt ashamed.
He began to speak to me by the agency of thought and told me I was to see another land for an appointed time. After arriving there, I was to speak his name and title and see what I would see. He went on and revealed that it was prearranged once for a person to die but returning is an option decided by his Father’s will. Children were raised; others were raised, for God’s glory and purposes when it was not their hour. He stated that I would return the way I had come, and then he pointed towards an entrance of a tunnel off to his left.
Seeing it, I was lifted by some gentle force and floated toward it, feet first. When this occurred, I noticed I was wearing robe like garments. I entered the tunnel and was engulfed within a violently spinning vortex heading toward a yellowish dint of light. Reaching it, I found myself falling from its sky and landed with a thud upon the ground.
I stood up and looked around. I saw a house on a hill, smelled horrible odors, and heard strange sounds. People came from the house and neared me with joyous shouts of welcome. Where was I? Heaven? Hell? At first, I thought I was in a paradise but the sounds and smells were all wrong.
Something was not right about these people either. For some reason they began appearing translucent. With this, I began to see them for what they really were – strange foul creatures emitting the illusions of people. Upon seeing this, two words erupted from my mouth like the staccato of a machine gun: Jesus Christ. I said these two words non-stop till I left this place. I was in a state of stark terror as the reality of where I was hit home.
One creature began to speak to me in a heavy unknown accent and told me to follow it. What choice did I have? It walked to the horizon’s skyline, which appeared painted on a wall, reached out, and parted the yellowish sky. It walked through the torn hole it had made, bidding me to follow.
(The Following five paragraphs are a direct quote from my book: A Land Unknown: Hell’s Dominion, Chapter Seven, used with my permission)
“I followed the rank creature and immediately emerged on the other side of the horizon. A wide, dirty, flat, barren expanse of land gently sloped downward, betraying an endless circular spiral of misery. On the left side of the coiled grade were rows and rows of cubes with more cubes columned high, forming a wall of ten-by-ten foot partitions mirroring the events displayed inside.
Each cube was stacked six high, marring each ascending and descending spiraling level’s wall like a dirty mirror. The wide expanse was a road. Strange entities were traveling on it. This wide dusty road ended at a circular void, highlighting the center of this hellish domain.
The cubes appeared encompassed by thin smoke-tinted, gelatin-like walls. Each cube appeared to be about ten feet by ten feet square. You could see into these but not out of them. Within every chamber resided an individual person, trapped, unable to escape as I had.
Looking through the torn wall of the cube I had just stepped out of, the house and tree within were hauntingly calling my name to return. Perplexed, I stepped back for another glance at this cubicle. I was surprised that it was so small. Inside it had seemed so large!
Turning, I saw the lizard-like entity a few feet from me, reaching its ugly, greenish-yellow arms as if to drag me away to a desperate fate. Boxer style, I blocked the attempt. This fiend stepped back, grinning ear to ear.” End Quote.
What I saw is best described in the Holy Bible within the pages of Ezekiel 32:17-32. This chapter describes hell as a circular burial pit where the dead are buried within the walls of a pit in accordance to his or her deeds. Each individual is placed in a chamber described symbolically as a bed chamber (Ezekiel 32:24-25) where the resident restlessly rest experiencing recompense for his or her deeds (Note context of Ezekiel 32:30) performed on earth.
Inside each cube, I spied individual people in various stages of boredom, anguishes, and hideous various torments. Ghoulish entities were inside these cubes giving the illusions of people, places, and things to each trapped soul enacting the scenes from each person’s life. I also traveled between these cubes to more cubes that lay behind as the journey continued.
The creature before me began speaking to me again with such foul language and curses that I cannot record what it really said for you. I began understanding its speech and could sort out the general theme it was speaking from its cursing. It then began showing me around this domain.
Out from the cubicle wall’s was a large dusty plain or road. Both ugly and beautiful beings roamed in lose packs on this plain. During the duration of my stay, many of these entities attempted to engage me in conversation. I was too terrified to respond but only spoke out the words, “Jesus Christ” non-stop.
I was taken on a hellish tour of this place by the ghastly creature in front of me. We descended to the lower levels of the spiral road as well as observed what was happening inside the cubes to each lost soul we passed. This hellish journey seemed to last forever. I wanted to wake up so bad, but could not (For more details please see my book: A Land Unknown: Hell’s Dominion, published by Xulonpress).
Each trapped soul reaped in full measure whatever they had sown during their lives. Many entered this pit and into the cubes by means of spinning vortexes. I also noticed another entrance. All those people trapped resided totally alone and were not aware of each other. The only thing each was aware of, were the creatures residing with them and the scenes enacted within their own personal square nightmarish abode.
I would say that each person trapped there felt a peculiar separation from God in the form of feeling banished forever from the loving nature of God and true life. Each knew fully that they deserved his or her fate because each chose to walk away from God and now resided in place without God as they desired during his or hers life lived on earth. God, in his great justice, fairness, and unfathomable love gave them what they desired: a place without God and where each was receiving the fruits of his or her own doings.
When many of these individuals entered their private abodes, they were first deceived into thinking they had arrived in a paradise. As eternity passes – the real nature of this place was fully revealed to them. Others entered into instant anguish. It is truly a place of doom, despair, and unending nightmares.
I felt greatest fear when the beastly guide tried to entrap me inside a unique cubicle. It is here, I was rescued while screaming out the words, Jesus Christ. I felt someone coming for me and arrive behind me and then lift me up.
(Quote from Book) “One arm was under my shoulders and the other under the bend of my knees. Oh! A sensation of love, mercy, authority, power, justice, and righteousness overwhelmed me. I no longer had any need to speak the two words that I previously spoke without ceasing. I turned my head into the cleft of the being’s shoulder and wept profusely against the white garb.
The Person who held me fast said not a word. I glanced at the hand gripping my shoulder. There was an ugly gash near the wrist close to the hand as though a great pulling weight had made this mark and separated the bones above the wrist. A hole went straight through, then the tear. You could easily have placed a finger through the gash, with your fingertip protruding to the other side, but to do so would have been very disrespectful and inappropriate at a time like this.” (End Quote)
I wept as the redeemer carried me back to the cube I arrived in and then through the vortex back to the rock. He set my feet upon that Huge Rock where I was granted a glimpse of Heaven and was told that none can enter Heaven unless they come through the gate which was the robe clad personage standing before me.
Many things were revealed to me there, on that rock, to numerous to record. I was told it was time to leave and return. I floated back the way I had come. I was soon in my room above my body looking at the scene below. I glided back into my body and awoke with a start. I could not regain my breath until someone began hitting me on my back. I was rushed to a Hospital for further treatment and recovery.
The duration of my NDE, was about four hours. I remember seeing a clock when I first left my body stating the time was 11:50 AM and when I returned, it was close to 4 PM. I still suffer several health effects from this. My heart makes a nice clicking sound. My short term memory suffered as well. Afterwards, my speech was slurred a bit but has returned to normal with the passage of time.
My experience has left me a deep appreciation for the work of Jesus Christ and His salvation. I became a born again Christian because of it. I have renewed understanding of God’s profound love, justice, righteousness, grace, and mercy. Jesus came to save that which is lost. You see, heaven is real and hell is real. Eternity is without end. Do you really want to spend eternity without God? Or with God? That choice is yours alone – the decision is yours? What will it be? What will it be?
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- thesearchforaspotlessmind: It's sad to read about this. However, it pains me more when I see the paradox in it. You see... the piece of the puzzle that you're looking for...
- michelle: Hi Luke, Thanks for your comments. You are right, we have been given a choice. But it makes me wonder about the choices we make - in bringing a child
- Luke: I enjoyed reading your entry, very interesting concept. But I'm going to have to disagree with your arguing point. To question when we became God, bec
